Battling the Bulge

You know I didn’t think I was going to post again for a while but two things - I went with the guys for coffee today and got a sinful looking yogurt parfait, you know - Yogurt, berries and granola - I know, not exactly the greatest of health food. But I only at about a third of it. It was really good. And that was enough. I think I will eat the rest for lunch. I have some almonds and walnut for snacking and I think I will eat a few of those for protein. I had string cheese for breakfast. Not exactly the best so far, but it could be worse.

Anyhoo, this is the main reason that I am posting: Half of Me. Pasta Queen - She is totally hysterical. I never know what to expect from her but I know one thing, she has officially lost one half of her body weight using the South Beach Diet (RESPECT!!!) and she is one hell of a funny, funny girl. You have GOT to go check out the muffins that she made for her friend’s performance in the Vagina Monologues (a VERY good play, by the way - Go Eve Ensler!!!)

My friend preformed in The Vagina Monologues this weekend in addition to helping plan the event which raised thousands of dollars for the local YWCA and rape assistance program. I’m so proud of her! She also works full time, takes 15 hours of classes, and wrapped individual presents for each cast member, complete with ribbons made out of some strange substance called “wraphia” which is the inbred child of ribbon and hay. I don’t know how she does all this. Maybe she secretly has a twin sister and they’ve been pretending to be the same person for the past umpteen years I’ve known her/them.

I wanted to help her celebrate the climax of all her hard work, so I undertook some thematic baking. If you are exceedingly moral or are put off by vulgar flour-based imagery, stop reading now. And if you are exceedingly moral, why are you reading my blog anyway?

I have just spent the last hour and a half updating the look of my blog. I upgraded Wordpress and the Blogroll threw up on itself. The theme that I was using had components that were no longer supported, so I had to chose a new template, re-add my blogroll - each link individually - and craft a new header. All while cursing the decision to use Wordpress and not Typepad. I know, I know - this has been a great learning experience and as soon as I have time, I will actually enjoy the process more. I just am tired and have run out of patience for the day. That said, I sort of like my new look. It’s softer. But, I’m not done. I have a lot of tweaking to do, but that will happen after I return to Australia.

I had such grand plans while I have been in the States. And true to form, they have all gone by the wayside. I truly had no idea what it was going to be like here. I have no way of keeping to a set schedule and have been tired the entire time. I have taken every opportunity to visit with friends and family and while I don’t regret that for a moment, it comes at a cost. I have let myself off the hook.

A great deal of it is emotion - I am so drained and raw emotionally that I have reverted back to survival mode. I have really mixed feelings about being here. And about going back to Australia. It’s like I feel as if I am in limbo.

I can’t process it all now but I acknowledge that it’s there - I have had a lot of tears and anxiety,too, but I haven’t gotten drunk off my keyster, shaved off my hair or attacked anyone(way to go, Britney!). I am torn between my old and my new life. I long for the simplicity of single life but really miss Rohan. I guess I am mourning my singlehood. I think I have delayed this transition into being a bona fide adult long enough and I just am scared that I will end up in Australia for the rest of my life - Which is only bad in the sense that I want to be near my family. Being with my brother’s kids has been amazing. I just don’t want to miss them growing up. I miss the warmth of my family and the ease of my friends. I know I have only been in Australia for a year but it’s just been really difficult. I can say that part of my problem is that because I work from home - I NEED to make some changes to be more social and get out of the house on a regular basis. Just need to make some positive changes.

I have also had time to think about Weight Watchers and I have come to one conclusion - I think I am done with it. I absolutely LOVE the social connections that I made. I loved seeing everyone each week and looked forward to getting out of the house. I liked the fact that I have been re-learning portion sizes and the importance of movement and the mental connection. But I haven’t really lost anything since August. Six months of nothing. Something is wrong. I was setting myself up each week by being ‘good’ Monday through Wednesday, Not having breakfast or lunch on Thursday, weighing in on Thursday and praying for a loss, and pigging out Friday through Sunday. Totally ridiculous. It was a bad pattern that was sabotaging my efforts.

I have so much going on now that I can use the extra time on Thursdays. I just need to find a way to break it to our WW Leader, Julie. I really love her and she has been exceptionally kind.

I know several people, including my brother that has had good success on the South Beach Diet. I have LOVED the different recipes that have come from the cookbooks and my brother is looking great. I need to weigh myself daily (which worked for me in high school - it helped me keep the weight off for 4 years) and look at this as a daily battle, rather than weekly. And I have a goal to get to know the people at the gym on a first name basis.

Wow - I meant for this to be a short post. I had better wrap this up. I may not post again until after I get back to Australia on March 9th. Until then, I will try not to eat EVERY PINT OF BEN & JERRY’s ICE CREAM IN THE METRO AREA. Gah. I LOVE that stuff. I don’t care what the flavor. American ice cream rocks. But just about everything else Australian tastes better. Go figure!